My two year old nephew (aka the tiny terrorist) has road rage.

Strapped into his baby seat (you know, the one that even Houdini couldn’t get out of), he usually falls fast asleep in the car.

On the days, he’s not tired?  It’s Hell on wheels.  Literally.

“Get him!”

“Crash him!”

“Beat him!”

“GO FASTER!”

“Push the pedal brake and smack into his butt!”  (Obviously the wee one doesn’t really understand the fine mechanics of driving quite yet.)

On and on (and on), he barks orders non-stop from the back of the car.  (Yes, I have considered strapping him to the roof on many occasions.  Unfortunately, I think he’d prefer it.)

So, what does the future ADX Florence Maximum Security prisoner have to do with internet marketing?

Sadly, he’s a lot like people trying to do something – buy, inquire – anything – on their handheld mobile devices.  He doesn’t mind driving, er, backseat driving, as long as he’s in the lead – and everything is happening lickety-split FAST!  If things aren’t speedy?  Well, it’s a problem.

Mobile users are extraordinarily patient when it comes to navigating sites.   (It’s actually very surprising how much tolerance they have for the inane.  More on that later.)

What they don’t have patience for?  S-l-o-w site speed. 

I know. I know.  Every time I’ve done a speech on mobile I’ve heard the same thing – nobody in 2011 wants to hear anything about speed.  It’s Internet 101.  Been there.  Done that.

Unfortunately, it needs to be revisited.  Most US mobile consumers are on 3G networks.  Frankly, 3G is akin to a 56K modem.  It’s just not that fast.  In other words, that product video you have on your entry page?  Unless all your folks are on 4G, save it for now.  (Viral-type videos are an exception.  People will struggle through them.  99.9% of videos?  Not. Viral.)

Does this mean you can’t just miniaturize your current home page for your spiffy new redirected mobile site?  Unfortunately.   Your large 350K page just isn’t going to cut it.   To be really mobile-friendly, shoot for under 100K.  And yes, the best converting mobile sites often have simple 10K-ish pages.   (Yes, that was TEN.)

Need help determining how to fix your page speed?  Check out Google’s handy new Page Speed Online optimizer.  It’s free and it will make recommendations for your traditional site speed as well as your mobile speed.  (Enter your URl in the box.  After it gives you a report, you’ll see a mobile site speed option.)